The Final Post...

This is my last post on "journey towards parenting" blog, not because the journey is over but this chapter has closed. The boys finalized (finally) on Friday and parenting is my life, therefore I've decided to continue my parenting stories on my "Tea and Sweatpants" blog.

Reflections from Friday:

Grammie Lynn (Nick's mom), Nick, and the boys and I crowded into the car early Friday morning to begin our commute to Eugene, OR. A little over two hours later we pulled up into the Lane County court house parking lot. We had enough time to get out, stretch our legs, have a snack and bask in the sunshine that the Lord brought our way. We buttoned ironed shirts, fidgeted with ties (zip and clip style), and tied on our fancy shoes. About that time Grammie and Grampie (my parents) pulled up and the boys took a running dash into their arms. We proudly walked into the court house and had some giggles and awe as we made it through security. We made our way up the large staircase to the seating area to wait for our names to be called. Right about this time our friend Rhonda Birchard showed up to support us making the trip from Portland as well. Rhonda has been mentoring me through this parenting journey in that she herself is a foster-adopt mother.

We made it with the perfect amount of time that had the court been on schedule we would have walked right in and sat down for our hearing at 11:30. A clerk approached me and let me know the judge was running very far behind and that we would have to wait for about an hour. My stomach turned but I said with confidence that we would wait, nothing was going to send me back to Portland now. Grammie Lynn to the rescue, she found with some snooping, a kids play room! The boys did great despite the wait. Dom lost the zipper tie within the first 5 minutes (no big deal, I don't blame the kid) and Eli reached his limit when his stomach started throwing a tantrum on him out of hunger. Grammie (ziebart) to the rescue on this one, she found a vending machine with peanuts. Thank the Lord my children like and are not allergic to peanuts becasue the only other choice was MnMs! Now, the boys were really getting wiggly and the grown ups were too. Finally at 1:00pm the clerk let us know the judge was almost ready and we could get into the court room. Elation probably best describes my emotion at that moment. We went in there and started snapping picutres which, as you can immagine, the boys were thrilled to do while feeling tired, hungary, board and ansy.

The jude came in and we tried to sit all formal like and really tried to pay attention to every word she was saying. She asked us a few questions, she wanted to know our story, and she really truly found so much joy in doing this ceremony. She sees and deals with so much crap daily and this is one thing that really gives her life and joy in what she is doing. She thanked us for choosing adoption, she proudly signed the paperwork, and I choked back my tears of joy. I knew if I let even one tear fall my pregnant self would be sobbing for the next 45 min.:)

I do feel different. In our eyes the boys have been ours since the day they moved in. No name change or legal work would change that. However, I felt as if a burden, a hesitation, was lifted. I don't have to explain to drs. or preschool teachers, or anyone else why they have different names than us. Now and forever our names are on their birth certificates. Now and forever they are Muccis, their children will be called Mucci's as well. Our family tree is their family tree. Now the state, the US, the world recognizes these two as ours. It's a bit freeing to me and I don't think I can exactly articulate why.

Lord, thank you for my sons, thank you for a beautiful day in Eugene to mark the joining of our lives forever.

Number 3...

In September our first born will be 4 1/2, our second born will be 3 1/2 and our unborn will be born.

Our sons will adopt a baby brother or sister into their lives and this baby will adopt us 4 as his/her forever family. I am pregnant but I use the word adopt because it is language that is understood in our family that means forever. When we explained to the boys that a baby was coming it made the most sense to say to them that they and we would adopt this baby that is growing in my belly. Just as we say they adopted us as their parents and we adopted them as our sons and Nick and I adopted each other as husband and wife, we are all one big adopted family:) I love using this language because it implies there is a choice. I choose to love you forever. I choose to be your family for all time. I choose you.

Speaking of love it seems as we make this announcement of our pregnancy some people assume (all of these people are NOT adoptive parents) the we will finally know what it's like to love our own child. This thought either implied or stated by others hurts my heart. I felt in my heart of Friday when I saw baby the same feeling I had when we were looking at children available for adoption. My heart just grew. I believe with my whole heart that I can and do love my adoptive children as much as my biological. My husband is one example of how I know this. I love him more that any other. I have not known him in the womb (I wasn't alive yet), I didn't know him at birth, and yet I love him more than any other. Christ teaches us about adoption and love, He reassures me that my love for these two is as strong as any other child of mine.

We've also become the poster family for "you know, after you adopt you'll get pregnant." Yes, I'll admit there truly are MANY families who adopt and then get pregnant but I would argue there are just as many who adopt and don't get pregnant. For the record, all of the adopting families that I know that struggled with infertility did not adopt in hopes that it would get them pregnant. Maybe some of you remind us of this out of shock that it happened to us, or to say "I knew it" or simply to imply this is what we hoped would happen if we adopted. Whatever the reason know that I don't really care!

All of this to say, we're excited about our growing family. In this year alone our family will grow from two Muccis to 5! God is amazing and we're blessed to be on this journey in his love.

March 11th...

March 11th, 2011 a day that will be important to me for the rest of my life. This day is our official adoption day for the boys. We will venture down to the court house with some close friends to watch the judge officially sign the paperwork. The boys will each get new birth certificates with their new names on it along with our names.

I can't even say how excited I am to have them legally ours forever.

A lil update...

Sorry for the delay in posting life's been really crazy. The holidays have been a bit rough for the boys as they have overwhelming emotions they are trying to manage. The joy and thrill that comes from Thanksgiving and Christmas are enough on their own to make a child burst with joy. Dominick was old enough to remember the meaning and fun of Christmas, Eli couldn't remember all the details but emotions were triggered. Dom, without hesitations remembered we were celebrating Jesus Birthday and also without hesitation remember the marathon of opening gifts!

Unfortunately with the good emotions came some really tough ones. As soon as the decorations went up last year the boys were removed from the comfort of their foster home into this strange new world, our home. So, it was as if the decorations and christmas carols stirred anxiety in them and there were some subconscious fears about having to leave. Those emotions are enough to make anyone burst as well. Although the boys for a time made a few steps back in development (behaviorally mostly) they worked through the tangle of emotions, both good and bad, in an amazing way. I am so proud of them! I believe that with each passing of Christmas the boys will become more secure in knowing they are here forever.

Speaking of forever...
If you remember in all my previous posts I've never noted that the adoption is finalized, well that's because it still isn't. It's pretty much ridiculous how long it's taken. Honestly, we should have been finalized about 3 months ago but the state is just too busy to push that paperwork around. We did find out, however, that our attorney (the one finalizing the case for us) has all the paperwork she needs to get it done. We'll be signing some papers soon and setting a court date with a judge for the final signature to make it all legal. If we are still not finalized by the end of February I will be SHOCKED!

I had a "they are growing up too fast" moment the other day when I was thinking about preschool for Dom. Eli might be going to preschool next fall as well. I realized that our time for swimming, the library, play groups, parks, and special adventures is going to get cut short! So, without a doubt 2011 is going to be full of bonding time for the boys and I:) I'm very excited about that! That's all for now, it seems the first post after not blogging is always the hardest. So, I think I'm back into it now.

that MY Daddy

so, after football practice, Mandy and the boys came and picked me up.  we had to stop at Burgerville, cause the second we got in the car, Dom announced it was potty-time.  so I took Dom inside and when we finished and left the bathroom, Eli could see through the glass and had this to say, either to Mandy or to himself...but one day after I shared with Mandy that I felt my abilities as a father should be called into question, I can say I needed this...

i smile cause i own you :)

"That Daddy
That MY Daddy
My Daddy is so happy and he loves me so much
Yeah he loves me
I love MY Daddy

My Daddy going pee pee pee in the potty
He all done pee pee pee

could've done without the 'pee' narrative, but my heart melted and jumped for joy after hearing this.  this kid will own your heart in a second...so this is your warning...no matter how much i feel like i struggle at being a dad, these two always find ways to make me feel like a hero, whether its running to me when they get up from their naps and see i'm home from work, wanting to stand next to me at football practice...even when i don't think i'm a hero, they find ways to make me feel like one.

Family Day...

It needs named something new and exciting but that is it in the mean time. If you think of a name for us let me know!

I stole this idea from a friend but here is our version of it:

When discussing what we wanted to keep/create for Christmas traditions we kept thinking about how much we wanted the boys to know it was a time to give gifts and to celebrate our Lord. How do you teach a child this when the only thing they can remember about Christmas is PRESENTS!?! We decided to skip the gift giving to the boys and each other and save it for another day in the year. The grandparents and aunts and uncles still gave gifts, no biggie! We decided Santa is such a magical fun thing about christmas so we would still do stockings. We did still want to exchange gifts so we decided that this past Saturday, the 11th, would be our "gift day" or "family day" or whatever it should be called. It was SO much fun!

We planned to take the boys to the children's museum but it was closed so we took them to this GIANT play place where they had a blast. When we got home the boys walked into the house to see a nice pile of presents and had so much fun tearing into them. Nick and I exchanged simple gifts and enjoyed the day as a family.

When the boys are older (school age) we plan on making the day on a school day so they can stay home and make an even bigger deal out of it! I think that at Christmas we might still make some gifts for each other but nothing big or fancy just a bit of lovin on each other.

Decapitating Barbie...

We were at a friends house yesterday and Dom found a Barbie. He decided he would play with it. Nick tried his best to ignore the fact that Dom chose Barbie over the dirt and rocks in the back yard. I tried to ignore the fact that naked blond Barbie had been named "Mandy."

Moments later Eli was fighting Dom for the girl (hopefully not a sign of things to come). He had a hold of her hair and Dom had a hold of her legs and yes, Barbie's head popped off. Both boys stood feet apart with pieces of the girl, stunned. It was as if they expected her to scream or cry or something. I was laughing in hysterics. Then they silently swapped pieces of the girl and still looked at their portion stunned.

Somehow Dom recovered the whole girl and proceed to play with Barbie in a way that made dad proud "Ahhh Mandy's head come off! Hey, what you doing with me head? Hello person's head I'm body, what you doing today?" On and on he went reenacting the head popping experience but this time providing the sound effects.

And that my friends is how boys play with Barbies.

The bank...

It's amazing how once we started this journey a whole population of foster and adoption has been opened up to us. I could tell you about several situations over the last year of people sharing their adoption or foster story with us. I had another experience today. Most of the stories I hear are about people who had been adopted but today is a foster story and it stops there.

I was at the bank today in the drive through lane and was depositing checks, one of which was our foster check. Here is how the conversation went through the glass:

Bank Teller: Are you a foster parent?
Me: Yeah (a bit curious as to why she was asking, often people in our neighborhood ask about our foster pay to see if it would be a good income source so we never really talk about it).
BT: I was a foster kid.
Me: Oh yeah (not sure if this is a good or bad thing)
BT: How many do you have?
Me: 2, they are biological brothers.
BT: How old are they?
Me: 2 and 3
BT: Thats good, most people only want babies and they want to split up the siblings.
Me: Yeah, we are actually adopting them, we are so blessed.
BT: I wish someone adopted me.
Me: Yeah?
BT: I guess that's how life goes sometimes. (as she passes my card through the box back to me)
Me: Well have a really nice day, thanks for sharing with me.
BT: You too!

And that's the end of the story. I wish more people would adopt from the foster system, it's the best thing that EVER happened to us.

Dom getting his haircut...

The hairdresser was this sweet Asian woman who spoke little English so she didn't understand half of what my toddler was saying which made the whole thing funnier.

HD (hairdresser): "you hold real still now."
D: Nodding his head
Me: already getting anxious about the whole event

*The cutting begins with the trimmers*

D: Scrunching up his shoulders "owie owie owie"
Me: "Dom, no owies here it won't hurt you"
HD: "you move you give me owie"
D: Eyes really big shaking his head "I no give owies"

*Now moving on to the scissors*

D:"I wuv you Mama"
M: "I love you Domer, you're doing a good job"
D: "Woman, I wuv you"
M: "Dom, we just say we love our family"
D: "Woman, me no say I wuv you I jus wuv my Mama"
*Moments later*
D: kicking the cape to float in the air
HD: "bebe sit still"
D: "it's DOM"
HD: "okay bebe sit still now"
D: "it's D_OM_ER"
ME: "Okay Dom, just stop moving, keep your eyes on Mama"
D: "Look at dose womans!" pointing to the pictures on the wall in another corner.
HD: A look of desperation comes over her face, "Bebe, be a good boy and look at your Mama"
D: "It's D_O_M"
Me: Finally finished the cut holding the child's head still!

*Dom's cut is finished and Eli hops into the chair*
D: "Woman dats bebe"

I have to say I am SO proud of him. The last three cuts for Dom were spent crying and scrunching shoulders, and yelling "No, no, no!"

Glimpses of the weekend:

1. After a long two hour car ride full of screaming and singing we pulled up the the water park in Albany. This is where we were going to meet the boy's old foster family for their foster sister's birthday party. The boys haven't seen sweet Ava and Lilly (ages 5 and 4) for 3 months and Dom was very excited. We unloaded the car and the boys were extremely happy to be out! I held both of their hand very tight on the sidewalk and we saw the van pull up, loaded with kids but specifically two little girls the boys love deeply. We walked across the steamy pavement and the door opened. Both girls came bounding out of the car and the boys wriggled their sweaty fingers out of mine. The kids sprinted to one another and stopped noes to nose giggling and talking, mostly repeating "hi, hi, hi, hee hee, hi!"

2. Nick and I rolled down the windows and were hit with the fishy smell of the sea. We just pulled into Lincoln City for our anniversary. The boys were still (hopefully) napping at Grammie and Grampies and we kept wondering "what will we do? No kids, no responsibility, no plans, what do we do?" Operating without a schedule...first time in 8 months...felt good! After we had dinner at a perfect little fish and chips find we got the bedtime call from the boys. I was sad, feeling weird, and delighted all at the same time. It brought me so much joy and peace to hear them try to tell me about their day and to say "I wuv you, goonight mamma"

3. Walking into my parents house after our first night away from the boys I put my hand on the door expecting to hear KC barking. I opened the door (KC was too tired to bark at this point) and I could hear my little boys giggling and playing in the living room. We rounded the corner, met their eyes and was greeted with "MOMMY! DADDY!" Big hug and kisses from my sweet little angels. Sigh, oh how I love them!

Richard Delany

This is an author of some books I desperately need to read but more importantly he was the speaker at a training I went to through DHS yesterday!

The name of this conference was Adopting Children with Complex Histories- Strategies for Parents. Sounds perfect right? Well it was! There were so many meaningful and resourceful things there for me but one stood out the most.

He used the analogy of dance. He said adopting a child with a complex history is like partner dancing in pitch dark. You and your children were taught different steps, are now partnered up and are trying to dance as one. Toes are getting stepped on, who's leading who, and a constant pushing and pulling exists. Just when you feel like you are making progress the moves change slightly.

I truly appreciated this analogy because it speaks so true to my heart and the feelings I cannot express. Anyway, more thoughts to come on this I'm sure.

Eli's tears...

They've been flowing a lot lately I guess that comes with the fact that he's blown and ear drum and delt with a stomach virus at the same time. The kid is tough. Along with being in pain he is in the thick of the terrible twos, just kinda mad at the world right now. Often when he does this Nick and I can do a little playful mimicking of the whining and tears and he instantly turns to giggles. When that doesn't work or when we are in public I often tell him to take a deep breaths until he calms down.

The other day he was in the heat of a real smokin scream so I thought I'd join him. I said, "well bud, you know I kinda feel like crying to. Can I cry with you a little?" I let loose and without skipping a beat, through his screaming, and with all the bossiness he could muster he whaled "no crying mom, kake deep breafs, deep breafs mom!" I couldn't help but laugh. I was stealing his show and he didn't like it.

My favorite things they said today:

Dom: "My fawder at home mamma? My fawder at my Domer house?" (My Father at home Mamma? My Father at my Domer house? I think he repeated it 15 times)

Eli: "awe done wisening" (Ready to listen!)

I'm one pissed mamma!

The Lord just reminded me what I am called to and part of it is easier than the other. I was invited to join a Samali play group and we attended our first time today. The boys loved it and so did I. I could tell that this is a tight group of women who have all experienced the same trama as refugees and share a unique bond as isolated mothers. They, however, didn't jude me a young white mom who was born here and "has it all together." They warmly accepted us and were very kind. I am looking forward to crossing cultural boundries (including language) to get to know these women. This I believe is what we as a family are called to.

Then, their is a neighbor 4 doors down whom I've never met before today but had a very frustrating conversation with. There is a project going in across the street that is a community that supports and helps families adopt from foster care.

I was walking the boys around the block to watch the diggers and dump trucks.
"How do you feel about walking your babies down the middle of the road like that?"
Oh, I'm okay with it. We feel pretty safe on our street and we are actually going to watch these big trucks, my boys love it!
"Well how do you feel about wild unsupervised teenagers moving in?"
Oh, we are really excited about this project! We are huge advocates for it and don't worry, they'll be supervised.
"Honey, I've lived on this street for longer than you've been alive. This is NOT the right place for these wild crazy kids to move in."
I'm sorry you have such a poor view of them. These kids are awesome. Our boys were adopted from foster care! I really hope you get the chance to meet some of them when they move in I'm sure it will change your mind.
"I hope not. Those damn kids better not ever step foot on my property they are not welcome here."
Well sir, have a nice day!

Oooh, Lord, really? I have to love this neighbor too?

Potty Training...

First of all...I'm fully a mom now, here I am bragging about my boy's peeing progress...

Oh what a journey this has been! Dominick was ready to be trained when he came to us at age 2.5, but we were not ready with all the other adjustments going on so he had to wait. His personality is so funny to me, such selective passion! At times he is THE most motivated kid out there, willing to do ANYTHING to get/do what he's trying to do. At other times, he is the most passive kid out there NOTHING can faze him or persuade him to care about the desired outcome. This has been both my greatest joy and pain at times. Potty training...humm...more on the passive side of things. I think with the transition we missed the "window of opportunity." The early weeks working on it he would just pee everywhere and keep on playing as if nothing happened. He would even laugh at times about the fact the he peed and would just act as if it was no big deal. No cookie, special time, movie, or anything could motivate that kid to get it. It just took a LOT of patience for us to wait for him to internally own the idea and to chase it. We started back in January and even still he has random accidents and wears diapers at night.

Eli on the other hand, a completely different child. This kid will do ANYTHING for a cookie and to be just like big brother. The poor kid has no patience for himself and gets so MAD when he sits there not peeing. Literally throwing a mini tantrum because he can't pee fast enough or even at all. He requires a whole other kind of tolerance and patience in this process. I am excited to see how it goes. Because of his lack of patience our potty "sessions" have been more scattered and spread out (unlike Dom) because it can be very stressful to give him a biology lesson every time he tries to go! How does one explain to a 2 year old to first drink, wait, then it's time to go potty?

Then there is the added challenge of sibling rivalry! These two can't stand it when the other is peeing! The second Eli gets the big boy pants on Dom is rip roaring and ready to go to get any/all attention he can deflect from Eli. Then, when Dom is using the potty Eli is stripping down, ripping off diapers, and either pushing Dom off the stool or attempting to catch his pee before it hits the toilet.

Never a dull moment in this house:) I am so proud of them but would much rather be changing diapers for a few years, MUCH EASIER!!

Domer-Daddy Time.

these boys are happy.  they really are, sure they get frustrated and Eli's tantrums are becoming things of legend!  seriously, his flops on the floor are priceless! but they are so happy.  you can see it when they wake up in the morning and run to Mandy or I.  you can see it after nap time when Dom comes running out of the room because he gets to be with everyone again.  you can see it when they are in the backyard completely fixated on some imaginary paradise they've created.

ya know what seems to make Dom the happiest?  Domer-Daddy time.  'I get Domer-Daddy time?' he asks with genuine joy and excitement whenever Mandy or I tell him its Domer-Daddy time.  his face lights up, his muscles clinch as his body gets ready to erupt in uncontainable joy....and my heart melts.  this kid loves me.  he loves to hang out with me, watching me mow, weed, clean, eat, anything.  and if he gets hurt, he'll come running out of his room yelling, 'daddy kiss it.'  apparently my kisses have some kind of magic power for these two, for after i kiss it, the tears stop and mayhem resumes!  makes me feel like a hero, like i'm their hero...

i love Domer-Daddy time, today we went and got donuts (thanks for the idea Marshall).  we walked in, i showed him the massive case and his eyes pop out as he says, 'Wow!' yes son, wow.  all of these donuts and somehow we have to pick just one.  chocolate with sprinkles, and chocolate milk.  that's my boy.  as he slowly picks the frosting and sprinkles off the top he points out everything he sees, from the moon in a picture to a person walking on the sidewalk...do you see all this daddy?  do see how cool this world is?  everything in it is so cool, and daddy, we get to share it together!  we get to see and experience it all together.

'daddy'  yeah Dom. 'i love you so much.' i love you too bub-bub.

Progress...

Being a stay at home mom is tough. Every day I do laundry and it still needs done. Every day I clean the kitchen and the bathroom and it's still dirty. Every day I discipline my boys and they still need to test the boundaries. Every day I am bound to a schedule according to the eating and sleeping patterns of my toddlers. Is there joy in this? Absolutely. Would I trade it back in a go to work? Never.

Today was a big day for me, I saw notable, measurable progress! I rarely feel that I have moments that show me marked progress in my boys, my home, or my character. God is still teaching me how to see the great work he is doing in the average ebb and flow of our daily routines. Today, when I took time to reflect, I was even more proud to be a stay at home mom. Our family couldn't be where it is at today if I couldn't be home to help keep things a bit in balance.

Anyway, here it is:

Today Nick left around noon to be gone for a few days for district assembly. This is the first time since the boys have been with us that he's left overnight. I was scared! Long story short I was pretty proud of myself for getting it all done today...alone! I was reflecting on what it was like 6 months ago at this time of day...I almost cried just thinking about it!

6 months ago it would take Nick and I both an average of 4 hours to accomplish the nights tasks. This included cooking, eating, and cleaning dinner, picking up toys, bath time, and bed time for the boys. The list seems short but together it would take a total of 4 long and crazy hours. Around 9:00 we would sit on the couch and barely squeak out a few word to each other only to stumble off to bed and be woken up an average of 2 times (often more) before morning.

Today it took me (all by myself) only 2 hours to get all of the same things accomplished! I am beaming proud of my sons, my hubby, and myself! We have worked SOOO hard and been SOOO tired for so many months and we finally are all at a place of what I consider desirable!

Yay for a happy evening that works for all of us!

Emotions...

Dominick's personality continues to emerge in way that amaze me. It seems like with each month as he matures he seems to feel all of his emotions more deeply. I wondered at first if this was a phase, a reaction to his past, or his unique personality. I am beginning to believe more and more that this is his unique design. He feels things so deeply it stirs my heart to see him experience it.

Joy: Today was a perfect example. He woke up from his nap (much needed after several day of not sleeping well) and was pretty happy. I then told him Grammy and Grampie would be coming and he was BURSTING with glee! He was jumping and running back and forth and yelling "Grammy-Grampie coming" repeatedly with a HUGE smile on his face. At times his joyful expression can frustrate me as we try to get him buckled in to go somewhere or dressed for a fun trip but lately I've been trying to appreciate his joy more. We've learned to be very careful at which times we share exciting news with him. The perfect time is when there is nothing that needs accomplished for about 20 min, the length of time for him to tone down his joy a few notches!

Sadness: When this baby is genuinely sad about something he delivers the most heart wrenching whales and tears that grip me. He actually doesn't feel this emotion often but when he does it is sure all that are around him feel it too.

Frustration: We may just have to skip this one for now, I might just get frustrated writing about how he expresses his frustrations!

Empathy: This one is new. In the last month or so I've seen this child become so wonderfully empathetic. He has such concern and tenderness for other when they are sad or hurt. He truly feels with the person in trouble or sadness. I have two examples. The first is when Nick left in the middle of dinner to help a friend who ran out of gas. Dom was so concerned he couldn't finish his dinner until I convinced him they would be okay and we prayed for them. The second is when Elmo's blankie gets ripped and Elmo is mad,Dominick is so sad for Elmo and what happened to his blanket.

I think it's really hard for Dom to feel so deeply. I think of my adult friends who share a similar spiritual gift and how challenging it is to feel emotions in such a deep almost spiritual way. When you are three it's hard to express any level of emotion in an appropriate way. So, my prayer is that I would gain some more empathy but specifically for my sweet boy. I pray that I would understand how deeply he is feeling things and be patient enough to teach him how to deal with those emotions in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.

Mother's Day

It's 6:25 am Mothers Day 2010. One year ago Nick and I were still sleeping at this hour on Mothers Day. In fact all weekends we were never up before 7 unless there was some crazy reason. I remember being almost convinced that it would be my last Mother's Day without children but there was still a piece of me that feared God would have us wait another year. At this time we were in the thick of raising funds, filling out paperwork, and getting analyzed by the state under a microscope. I just read my Mother's Day post from a year a go here and can still hear through my words the emotions I felt of exasperation with the process.

Not today though, no exasperation, no worry, no wondering, no self-doubt, no curiosity, just warm fuzzies:) HA that's a joke. All of those feelings still exist but for now, here in bed with the boys making breakfast with daddy, just warm fuzzies! Right now in this moment I have so much joy and confidence in who God has called me to be. So much love that I never knew existed in me.

I think Mother's Day exists not just for everyone to appreciate their mom's but for mom's to appreciate their children and the support they get from their husbands. I believe this day will propel me through another year of parenting. It's enough of an umph to remind me that I am appreciate for what I do day in and out. The boys, they don't give a rip really but someday they will understand! The truth is they give me more identity and purpose in each day and that's enough of a return for what I do for them. I have NEVER done anything in my life that fills me up and gives me purpose like parenting these two.

Dominick and Elijah, Happy Mothers Day to me! You two are out there (in the kitchen) testing Daddy's patience and running circles around him. Dom you are like a little honey bee that just found a clover patch, bouncing here and there and buzzing with so much excitement for the day you can hardly contain yourself. It's cute from here, on the other side of the door. Eli you're still too young to fully understand. I think that you are in there being good and calm because you really want breakfast! I can't wait to spend this day with you two.

Two birthdays, age 2 and 3, one week, lots of fun!

They boys are 5 days shy of being a year apart. I've been pondering what this really means. It defiantly means after this birthday all the rest need to be two parties a week apart, no combined parties...they need to feel distinctly celebrated and appreciated. It sort of mean a heap full of challenges and joys. By nature, as male siblings they will always be competing for love, attention, talent, friends, etc. I knew as parents we would have the challenge of teaching the boys to have a high level of self confidence without constantly comparing themselves to their peers. These two will forever have the added challenge of not comparing themselves to one another. I am constantly praying that even now, I wouldn't lump them together as having the same passions, curiosity, learning curves, and interests. I think we have a lot of similar challenges as parents of twins, triplet, and the like. I often find myself feeling much empathy for parents of multiples.

On a very positive note they are very bonded to each other. They share a similar story. They are bonded by their strength to overcome the challenges that life and sin has brought them. They care deeply about each other, even now at such a young age. Eli says every day when he wakes up from his nap (they sleep in separate rooms) "where Dum-en-ick" go?" He needs his big brother. On the same hand, if Dom wakes up first he immediately says "mommy, where Eli go?" in his most concerned voice. He needs to know his baby brother is still near and okay.

With the joy of the bond comes the tears and tantrums of two toddlers sharing toys, space, food, Daddy, Mommy, doggie, couch cushion, sippy cup, book, and so many other things:)

I pray with all my heart that I wouldn't become lax or unaware for the uniqueness of each child. That I would notice, love, appreciate and be sensitive to each boy's unique set of differences. I pray that I would not become light-hearted of flippant in my speech about how the two develop at different rates. I pray that they would learn to love all of the uniqueness in each other as well.